CF/paleo/parenting: WWCWD

[aidan]

Hi guys,

I want to start a thread on how folks manage to find balance. This morning I was faced with an unfortunately regular dilemma -- my kid and pet kept waking me up last night so that when my alarm went off at 5:15 I had slept max 4 hours. I made my coffee and before taking that 1st sip thought to myself -- I feel like crap -- I need sleep. So instead of drinking coffee and pushing through to go to CF, I went back to bed for an hour.

Before (in my previous life as a CFer which burned out quickly) I would have pushed through and gone to class. But looking back, I think my burnout was at least partially due to pushing too hard -- which sometimes resulted in injury. So today I chose to rest, and like the modern woman I am, when I woke up, I immediately started to beat myself up about it (I should have gone; Matt has a newborn and he went!; they're not going to think I'm serious about it; etc., etc.).

Well, I'm over it now, and feel that ultimately (even though I need to let go of modern psychological traps) I'm headed toward a more balanced -- and healthier -- existence.

WWCWD? (What Would Cave Woman Do?)

Thoughts?

[Corey Duvall]

Aidan, You bring up a great and difficult point.

You MUST look at all factors and try to balance those.

Dietary Health: MVNS, SF, LS, NS... Paleo
Mental Health: Positive attitude towards self and others. When you make a decision you have no regrets. If you woke up and felt that you should have gone, merely blow it off and remind yourself that next time. Now you learned... beating yourself up only increases those negative chemical emotions.
Movement Health: Move slowly for long distances (take a hike once in a while). Move heavy things. Move fast for short periods (CF). If you don't do these regularly you are not doing yourself justice. HOWEVER, excessive work can be a problem as well. You have more than enough capacity to come in with a 70% day on occasion, that means moving through and not dropping to the floor when it is over. The movements themselves are potent stimuli for stress reduction. Some all-out intensity is great, but consistency is more important when starting out. THEN you can vary your level of consistency. Not coming means you did not get your fill of heavy lifting or moving fast.

Sleep will determine how quickly you recover from those intense days. Short on sleep and feeling run down, turn the intensity down a notch. Get a good night and feelin peppy? Crank it up and see what you can do. Often coming in and going through the warm-up will make that run down feel peppy and you can give it a go even though you had to "drag" yourself from bed.

Cave woman would probably not be run down on sleep because she and her family went to sleep when the sun went down instead of staying up with artificial light and electronics. However, even if she was tired she would still get her daily dose of movement and you should too.

Does that help?

[mcbalz]

Aiden this is something I am struggling with certainly with a newborn in the house. I have a great foundation to work with... it's been a year of discipline and a lot of good eating. So when I am powering through (like this morning, on 4.5 hours of sleep, in two sessions) it's done with a view towards the big picture, which includes plenty of REST and a commitment to rest and recovery. I advise taking care of yourself first... which means changing plans sometimes, and sticking to the plan in spite of pain at others. But have a plan... that is key. And that plan has to include larger cycles of rest (on the multi-week, multi-month level), as well as a plan for daily rest. It makes no sense to keep to a plan of working out but not a plan of rest; the planned bedtime comes before the planned WOD! (Our version of going to bed when the sun goes down is probably a 9 pm bedtime.) If you're like me, though, you don't always get the quality of rest you want. I try to allow for that by cycling, ad hoc, between 3 and 5 workouts per week, when I'm not on a real "rest week."

[aidan]

Thanks Corey and Matt for your feedback. One of the things I'm really trying to be more in tune with lately is to simply trust my instincts. At the same time I agree with Corey that consistency is critical when trying to make a big change (e.g., in level of fitness).

I'd love to hear from some of the other CF moms out there, too.

Thanks -- and see you Friday
Aidan

[Miriams]

I have 4 kids and a full time job. I also have a husband who is recuperating from a major illness. I am now responsible for everything from childcare to cooking while my husband is on the mend. I slept thru the 5:40 a.m. workout today and beat myself up about it. I had to force myself to let go and just live with it. There will be a tomorrow and I will do the best I can to work out tomorrow. Obviously I needed the sleep more than the workout. Listen to your body.

[betsyfedder]

Aiden--

I so relate to this. Over the past couple months I have struggled with some personal setbacks that have kept me away from CFA more than I like--some pesky stomach problems as well as a really sick kiddo--first winter in childcare. CFA not only gives me wonderful physical benefits--but I have come to rely on it for great mental health benefits--i.e. I am a better Mom, employee, wife, general life participant when I get there regularly. However, there are times--when my health, my child's health, sleep, my job, my husband's travel--life's unforseen circumstances--get in the way of keeping a perfect routine. Because I have not always been a regular athlete/exerciser, I sometimes worry that missing or taking breaks will lead to derailment or I beat myself up for not making the impossible possible.

I join you in the desire for balance and to look at CF as a long term relationship--that like any other will ebb and flow. And because we are in it for the long term--to measure consistency over the long haul. Week to week things will sometimes change. But over the course of months and years--we will show up and work hard.

Thanks for sharing and let's be kind to ourselves!

[mcbalz]

I like Betsy's advice. Generosity towards oneself is really important. (Of course, part of that self-giving is giving yourself the gift of being as disciplined as possible).

[kateduinkerken]

I have to be a whiney fuss bucket for a minute (notice i'm not WINEY due to the lack of alcohol in these veins). This is exhausting!!! My dinner last night looked, well, let's just say it didn't look too appetizing. Tonight everyone is on strike again from eating healthy. I feel like I am loosing the Paleo challenge right here in my own house. I see this as a sign that they need to be doing it even more! But *some* people are having side effects from the paleo diet and are refusing to go further. I cannot change anyone but myself, however, when the 3 other people in the house refuse to eat the food that costs significantly more than the usual crap I throw at them, I feel at a loss. What am I going to do? Cook 2 seperate meals for the rest of my life??? Maybe I'm just tired today...

[aidan]

It's so good to hear from others about how it can really to be a struggle to find balance. I really like how Betsy reminds us to focus on the bigger picture and long term commitment (which can also be a good motivator at 5:30am!). But, I will be there tomorrow (Friday) morning even if I have to ski!

The cooking thing has also been a big struggle for me, but I have the **huge** benefit of a husband who is 100% committed to paleo eating and who is really the person that convinced me to try it. We always give our son whatever we're having but also usually end up prepping him something in addition. Before *I* committed to trying paleo, I would complain to Ethan that he didn't like my cooking, and why did he always need to make something different from what I made for all of us, blah, blah, boo hoo. SO we made a deal -- he does most of the food shopping and food prep now -- Yay! Although I actually made my first paleo meal last night -- complete with soup, salad, and cooked meat/veggies.

thanks to everybody for creating such a supportive community :-)

[Miriams]

Regarding missing workouts, beating ourselves up, having unsupportive family members/kids who hate Paleo food, yada yada:

1. Missing workouts: I have missed them and it wasn't because I was a lazy SOB. I needed sleep very badly, I'm sick, or had another more meaningful or unavoidable commitment, or whatever. C'est la vie. There will be another workout around the corner (Betsy's great advice about the bigger picture). Also, I bought myself a jumprope (because I am terrible at it). On my missed days if I can I practice jump rope, do pushups, and do burpees for 15 or 20 mins. It is better than nothing. Is the workout as good as the one I get when I am in front of my coaches and colleagues? Heck no! But at least I am doing something.

2. Beating ourselves up: We are our own worst enemies. Whenever you feel bad about yourself, all you have to do is let another supportive crossfitter who has your same issues know about it and they will tell you how great you are. (Not everyone will, I have found, so you need to find the right folks to prop you up on bad days). We have an awesome community; let's use it. I am always amazed at my 5:20 class telling me how great I'm doing even though I'm a lightweight at Crossfit compared to them. It is refreshing to not feel bad about coming in last or using lighter weights.

3. Unsupportive family members/kids who won't eat the food. I refuse to cook more than one meal a night for my family of 6. I took Matt Baldwin's advice. I add a starch to every meal (pasta, rice, mashed potatoes, whatever) and double the veggies. I eat the veggies and the kids always eat the starch if nothing else. Am I going to fight with them to eat Pure Paleo? No, I am not, because then I will personally fail. Also, I have chosen not to be insane about this diet. I don't have the time and energy to calculate stuff and rely on Matt B. to do that for me ;-). I am sticking with the simple mantra of lean meats, lots of veggies, nuts, seeds, little pasta, no sugar and no processed foods. Do I use honey here and there in my cooking? Salt? A little pat of butter once and a while? Of course. Will I have a glass of wine before 90 days are over? If I'm eating a great meal, hell yes. I want to live a long life, but I also have friggin' taste buds. Look at the bigger picture--even if you cut out processed foods only, you will have accomplished something amazing. I know myself well enough to know that I will never be a nutrition zealot. I just want to be healthy.

I implore everyone to be supportive of every singe CFer no matter what level of fitness or nutrition they are at. The fact that we joined CF means something, regardless of our progress or lack thereof. I think we do a good job of that but I will say that the nutritional purists and elite athletes can at times be intimidating for those of us who are mere mortals struggling to keep up with the gods. Some are striving for perfection; that's cool. Some are striving for improvement, and that's cool too.

I will now step down from the lectern.

[aidan]

thanks Miriams ! I like how you think! Thanks for sharing and for *your* support :-) I especially relate to #2 above -- about the self-defeating thoughts -- in particular for those of us who have a competitive streak. I just keep trying to remind myself that **I** am my only competition and my goal is to work as hard as I can :-)

[Miriams]

Aiden, I applaud you for starting this thread because it is a big issue for many many people (particularly for women b/c we tend to cater to everyone except ourselves and we end up suffering for it) If not addressed candidly, these challenges often spell the end of one's efforts toward fitness and good health. That has been very true for me and it is time to stop the madness! Kudos to you for identifying the proverbial elephant in the room (or is it a tiger)? It takes a lot of moxie to do that. You must be a strong person!

[aidan]

Thanks Miriam and everyone at CF Asheville for being such a supportive community. This is what makes people stick with it.

[Miriams]

Today my husband and I went to Barnes and Noble and bought Good Calories, Bad Calories by Gary Taubes. I have started reading it and my husband wants to read it after me. My husband is intrigued by the science. There is hope. Stay tuned.

[Miriams]

Lack of sleep due to small children seems to be a theme lately in our 5:20 a.m. CF banter. It has been a long time since my kids were small, but I do recall that my husband and I took turns getting to sleep thru the night, instead of trying to share each night (neither of us slept, and then we were really grumpy at each other). If you take turns, the person who got good sleep and feels refreshed can do his/her workout and then help the sleep deprived person with chores etc. Next day, you switch. It keeps everything equitable and you need at least one strong parent per day to deal with the little whippersnappers in your life. If you are both tired, your kids will sense your vulnerability and take advantage of it. Plus you will have less resentment in your marriage.